Have you ever wondered why it’s often more challenging to communicate with your partner or someone close to you compared to interacting with a stranger? The answer lies in the depth of our connections. Your partner and children, whether consciously or subconsciously, have a role in pushing your buttons and triggering emotional reactions. However, these challenges can serve as opportunities for growth and transformation. In this article, we will explore the impact of pain and past hurts on today’s communication and discover ways to improve our ability to connect effectively.

The Complex Nature of Communication

Improving communication is a universal pursuit, whether it involves conversations with our partners, children, co-workers, bosses, or even strangers. However, communication is not always smooth, relaxed, and effective. To understand why, we must delve into the root causes of the obstacles that hinder healthy communication. What lies between us and the person we desire to connect with? Does our ego overpower our heart, clouding our judgment and leading to subconscious power struggles? Why do we sometimes lose control and allow anger, frustration, or sadness to dictate our actions and, consequently, our communication?

The Art of Listening: A Foundation for Effective Communication

To become a skilled communicator, we must first become adept listeners. Active listening entails being fully present for the person in front of us, without judgment or preconceived opinions. By cultivating empathy and compassion, we can step into the other person’s shoes and truly understand their perspective. Being heard and understood is a fundamental human need, and fulfilling this need creates understanding, strengthens bonds, and facilitates effective communication.

effective communicationThe key to becoming an exceptional listener lies in being in tune with ourselves. Self-awareness plays a vital role in communication. By recognizing our own thoughts and emotions, we can identify when we are triggered by negative feelings or thoughts (often stemming from our ego). By intercepting these triggers before they escalate, we can regain our personal power and clarity of mind, allowing us to understand and accept the thoughts and emotions of others. In essence, effective communication begins within ourselves. By understanding our triggers and learning healthy ways to address them, we gain the ability to become excellent listeners and achieve our communication goals.

The Role of Pain and Past Hurts

We often find ourselves asking, “What does this have to do with pain and past hurts?” The triggers and negative emotions we experience in the present are often echoes of past experiences that linger in our subconscious. Our remarkable brains have a protective mechanism wherein they store the pain associated with traumas, abuses, and negative events in our ego, which develops at around two years old. This subconscious storage allows us to avoid consciously suffering from these past hurts. It’s a form of self-preservation.
However, there comes a time when we must delve deep within ourselves and confront these stored emotions. If we don’t, these remnants of the past will continue to influence our actions on a daily basis. As we operate on autopilot, with our subconscious mind governing 90% of our behaviors, these unresolved wounds become ingrained in our identities and patterns. Consequently, our brains actively seek out situations that trigger these negative emotions and thoughts.

effective communicationYes, the anger you feel today may stem from childhood or teenage experiences that have shaped your communication style. That’s why developing daily consciousness and awareness is crucial if you desire effective and healthy communication. It all begins with the intention to become more aware of your negative thoughts and emotions in the moment. Consider establishing a habit of reflecting on conflicts or arguments, writing down what transpired, and seeking self-understanding. This practice will empower you to improve and navigate future interactions with greater ease.


Unlocking effective communication involves recognizing the impact of pain and past hurts on our present interactions. By developing self-awareness, becoming active listeners, and addressing our triggers, we can break free from the subconscious grip of past wounds and embrace healthier communication patterns. Remember, communication starts within you. Challenge yourself to improve your listening skills and embark on a journey of self-discovery. Embrace the power to transform your communication and cultivate stronger, more fulfilling relationships. You have the capability to overcome past hurts and forge a path toward meaningful connections.

To learn more on how you can move forward and take back control of your life, you might be interested in generation mindset.

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